Embody Your New Identity
This post is part 4 of a 5-part series on identity change.
Instead of focusing on habits, goals, or fixing yourself, this series is about choosing who you want to be — and letting everything else follow from there. You can read this series all at once or take it one step at a time. At the end of the post, you’ll find a worksheet to help support you.
Congratulations on letting go of the old version of you!!! Time to celebrate by jumping into a new timeline and embodying the new version of you - the identity you created in steps 1 and 2! This is the exciting part!
This is a place where a lot of people get stuck or scared. And you’re right - this stage can be very awkward, especially when others are used to the old version of you. You might feel resistance - either internally or externally. This is totally normal. Just like you stumbled and babbled when learning how to walk and talk, the same thing will happen here. Don’t mistake this for failure or incompetence - this is learning. Your brain is rewiring itself to align with your new identity. It’s important to give it time and be patient with yourself.
Embodiment doesn’t mean doing everything “perfectly” or “right.”
Rather, it’s about making intentional decisions from a totally new place - your new identity. Just like Beyonce channels Sasha Fierce before getting on stage, instead of going through your whole life on autopilot or fear, you’re going to start to channel your new you and get intentional and aware about how you’re showing up for yourself and others.
If this new version of you has decided she likes to get up early in the morning, decide what “early” is for you and get up at that time. Everyday. That’s what she would do. It no longer needs to be a negotiation with complex alarm clock math every morning. She’s excited to get up for her day because she gets to move her body, have her tea and start working on her dream life.
If you haven’t realized it already, this example largely mirrors my relationship with early mornings. I had to embody a new version of me to feel this way about mornings - I used to get up just in the knick of time for work and it was always stressful and a struggle - always doing mental gymnastics about excuses I’d give for being late. Does this mean I’m never late now? No. Despite getting up at 5am everyday (yes, even on weekends), I am still late from time to time. But instead of getting flustered about it or beating myself up or trying to come up with an excuse, I just text the impacted parties and calmly let them know I’m running late. It makes me feel better, it gives them a heads up and everyone is mostly chill. There is the odd time when someone gets pissed about it. In those situations, I simply let them know how much I respect and value their time and that I’m sorry. I used to think an excuse was necessary, but once I experimented with the apology alone, I realized that most people just want to feel heard/seen, acknowledged, and respected and they don’t really care what your issue was. If there is a legitimate excuse you can share, share it. But there’s no need to make anything up. That’s not what she would do!
At this point, you might be wondering…how is this different from just starting a new habit? Even in James Clear’s book, Atomic Habits, he talks about how starting a new habit - let’s say exercising 3x a week - doesn’t work without brute force. In other words, it takes a lot of willpower…and willpower is a finite resource. You only have a very limited amount of it, which is why when we try to willpower our way into or out of something that habit is usually short-lived. Instead of saying, “I’m going to work out 3x a week,” try something like, “I’m someone who cares about taking care of my health.”
Being that new person who cares about taking care of their health allows you to embody a new identity, which then leads to you making different choices, which creates new habits in your life, and that leads you to becoming a new person, which finally leads to new results.
This embodiment stage is where most people get stuck - not because they’re doing it wrong, but because it’s hard to support yourself through real change alone. This is the stage where I personally chose to get a coach. If you’re feeling called to do this work more intentionally, I’m here. You can learn more about working with me or explore my services here.
Back to our example:
What would the new you do? She makes small, aligned choices before burnout forces her hand.
She asks herself:
What does prioritizing my well-being look like today - realistically?
What’s the smallest choice that supports me right now?
Sometimes that’s saying no. Sometimes it’s going for a walk instead of scrolling. Sometimes it’s booking the appointment, leaving earlier, or choosing rest without guilt.
In all cases, she’s prioritizing her mental and physical well-being over everything else - even if it makes someone else’s day a little less convenient or even makes her own day less convenient. It doesn’t always feel convenient to get up and go for a walk. Inertia is a powerful force. But she does it because she knows it’s in the spirit of making decisions from who she is now and it’s the right thing for her mental and physical health.
