Release Your Old Identity
This post is part 3 of a 5-part series on identity change.
Instead of focusing on habits, goals, or fixing yourself, this series is about choosing who you want to be — and letting everything else follow from there. You can read this series all at once or take it one step at a time. At the end of the post, you’ll find a worksheet to help support you.
In Steps 1 and 2, you created and intricately imagined your new identity. You might be excited about this new version of you, but based on where you see yourself currently, you might start to feel a little anxious about how big the gap is. Don’t sweat it. That’s exactly how you’re supposed to feel! Now is the perfect time to let go of the current/past version of yourself. But in order to do this, you need to become aware of who she was and how she served you. The old version got you to where and who you are today - it’s important to acknowledge that and be so grateful for all that she’s done for you. You do not get to release the old version without being grateful for everything she’s done to get you to where you are right now, so this step cannot be skipped.
My suggestion would be to make a list (handwritten if you can!) of all the ways she showed up for you and everything she believed was necessary to get her to where she wanted to be. To make this a bit easier, focus on…
Naming the patterns that kept you depleted
Acknowledging how they once protected you
Consciously choosing not to default to them anymore
Then you can do a couple of things to symbolically release this version of you. The point of any of these is to be intentional about shedding that previous skin you wore. Here are a few ideas - choose the one that resonates the most for you.
You can close your eyes and imagine the past version of you and give her a hug like you would a best friend that’s moving away and you will probably never see again and tell her how much you love her and how much she’s given you throughout your friendship and how you’ll miss her, but you know this move is the best thing for her. Then say goodbye and turn and walk away. This might be emotional, but let the emotions flow! This is a good thing!
If that doesn’t connect, you can take the piece of paper that you wrote all this on and write another note to your old self here saying how grateful you are for all the time and energy spent in getting you to this point in your life and then say, “...and now it’s time to move on.” Then you can either tear the paper in half and throw it away (like in an outside trashcan) or you can SAFELY burn it. If you can responsibly submerge it in a body of water, that could work too. I personally like the burning option because there’s something so purifying about fire.
The old identity is the woman who believed:
Rest had to be earned
Pushing through was a virtue
Her body and mind were tools, not signals
Well-being was something to focus on after everything else was handled
This version of you helped you get that job that paid a lot. She got things done, no matter how late she had to work or no matter if she had to give up her downtime on the weekend. She was well-respected, and even though her chaotic nature emerged from time to time, she still showed up and that’s what mattered. She carried a lot. And she deserves gratitude - not blame.
Releasing her doesn’t mean rejecting ambition or responsibility. It means letting go of the belief that self-neglect is the price of a good life.
